I’m at the office completing the report that Master Yoda assigned to me. The mp3s that keep me sane suddenly caused me to have temporary insanity. Elvis song was on.
“Maybe I didn’t treat you, quite as good as I should have…Maybe I didn’t love you,
quite as often as I could have. Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time…you were always on my mind…. You were always on my mind”
Tears shed. Tears still flowing…
He was like a father to me. The minute his heart stop, I wish my heart would stop too. But that is not the way for a Muslim to be thinking. Yet, I dare not kiss him goodbye. I dare not see his face. I dare not go to his burial. I simply dare not.....Maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't want to let go. So I don't need closure...I don't need to let go...
No...this is not right.This is not how I should continue my life.
Moreover I’m a mother now. I have to be stronger… and also I know he would want me to be stronger too. He would want me to love my child much more than how he has loved me. He would want me to be there for my child as how he has been there for me.
Acik keep on telling me not to cry coz Uncle Mi wouldn’t want me to cry. It would be better for him if I do not cry.
Yet, my heart wonders:
· Did I ever make him proud?
· Did he know how much I love him?
· Did he know how much he meant to me?
I guess I'll get the answer when I meet him again. He'll be looking much more handsome than Elvis for sure.